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bitter bitch

January 10, 2003, 11:12 PM

In Amsterdam, you can buy pot. You can be stoned in a park and police will not bust your ass.

But here in the land of the free and the home of the brave, you have to go through a series of security fortresses just to buy a simple tabacco product. It used to be you could pop a pack into your grocery cart. Now you have to ask very quietly for a pack of cigarrettes.

Oh no no, I don't smoke. I just act like I do.

I don't have a lot of sympathy for those who have sued tabacco companies. No one was sticking a gun to the plaintiff's head's, poking a cigarrette in their mouth and lighting up while their hands were tied helplessly behind their backs. They did it. I don't care if the tabacco companies are dishonest. We've known for decades smoking can kill.

I'm a heartless bitch. Who doesn't smoke.

Spousal is gone for a few days. To California. Were it's around 70 degrees. Poor guy. He's wearing shorts. He can tell me he rarely gets alone time, but don't tell me a business trip to LA isn't fun. He called me from outside a pub tonight. Yeah, those poor guys are burning the midnight oil.

I want to work or at least do another day at PAWS to volunteer, but gosh, I don't know if we can do that because he's so busy with work and all. Don't tell me he's the one earning the $$. I already know this. He works. A lot. But somehow the person with the baby ends up getting seconds and it's not easy. I know that I'm supposed to be a flowery and shit here. I'm a mom and I stay home and what a noble thing. I should appreciate it and be grateful.

Yeah well, I don't always feel so grateful. Because I've lost myself before and I'm terrified it's happening again. Somewhere, someone who's not earning money gets sort of lost in the shuffle.

Don't mind me. I'm just turning bitter. It'll pass.

How many times do I hear "Wow, I really want you to be able to do this, but....."

I'll get it figured out one of these days. What I'm supposed to be figuring out, I have yet to figure out.

.

I don't think they've seen these running....I am so behind on my tributes it's not even cool.


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