I agree with the comments, he was probably abused too. I don't feel that negates the situation and RIGHT NOW, I don't feel hatred or anger towards him.

Andy and I may really be doing the cognitive behavioral therapy for the very same reason I think. This abuse stuff just really came to the front of my mind two days ago. I said it. But I've had

A year.

It's beyond depression. It is getting better.

Self talk over and over.

"It's not about you."

I walk out the door.

"It's not about you."

We're all self focused and that is not wrong. We do have to take care of ourselves and love ourselves (not conceit) before we can give to others.

That's the way it is.

But then when I'm afraid to walk into a room full of people or wear a bathing suit, I realize these people don't care. They really don't.

Self talk. It's not about me. They're not laughing at me.

Or maybe they are! Paranoia! More self talk. It's not about me.

Something I like. Getting older. I'm 35. I like being 35. Gray hairs are popping up in the mid-section of my melon. I'm like "HEY GIRL'S! COME LOOK, I HAVE SILVER HAIR!!!"

Wrinkles I'm not so sure about. The texture of my skin is changing. But I think I like them.

What do you do if you're looks have always been your "thing?"

Look for another "thing" and realize you still have your looks. You're just getting older. Big deal. I think the root of getting older is the fear of death. Does anyone really realize that there is no death? Trite saying? I don't care.

There is no death. Therefore getting older in this body doesn't matter so much.

I'm human so I have my moments of "OH SHIT, I'm getting crows feet!"

And then there are more and more times where I say "COOL! I'm getting wrinkles!"

But there's more to life than your physical. Don't say you don't have the time to go out and do something you've always wanted to do. Just do it.

That's what I'm doing. That doesn't make me perfection because I'm far from it.

But I'm spiritual and shit.

After this revelation of abuse, I realize that I can eat and not be guilty. What's that about? I eat, my body becomes hideously large or something?

It stays about the same. I can live with that. As people, we put a lot of focus into our bodies and what we look like.

And that's fine. I can't speak for men, but if a woman puts time and effort into the way she looks, then that's an overall good thing.

But if we spent as much time on the spiritual side of things as we did our bodies and being positive, another trite-ness, we'd have a better earth.

Would we pay attention to the land we're tearing apart? Would we really care about the differences of physicality of people? If we used our heads and really "listened," I know we'd be better off.

I don't the above enough. It's a work in progress.

Just thinking about aging and I like it. I would not go back to highschool for anything. I wasn't a cheerleader or anything. They weren't the "glory days" for me. They were times I would like to forget.

It's just getting older really gets better and better. And the remembering is not a bad thing. I'm not feeling sorry for my cousin. At all. I do know something had to have happened to him.

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Tanya McBee Gunby | Create Your Badge