ADIPOSE is back! I was just thinking about her today so she must have been writing or thinking about writing. Or something.

Spousal bought me coffee. Not just coffee. He bought me (*GASP*) decaf coffee. That's ok! I can mix it with regular because I should cut down anyway. He stayed home so that I could sleep and sleep I did. From about 12 to 3, after I got home from PAWS.

Have I mentioned how much I like Amy's Vegetarian stuff? Even you hardened meat eaters would be ok with this because it's good shit. And it's Non GMO and stuff. And a lot of it is gluten-free.

The girls are unusually happy today. They're liking school, I think. Gia decided that she's glad she got moved because she likes her new desk area better. She's in a 2-3rd grade split this year, just like Cath was last year. Cath has been getting home and doing her homework right off the bat and seems really grown up for some reason.

Can I tell you how much I despise the term Breast buds? It makes me shudder. I hate it. I don't know why. It's some flowery talk for a kid starting to get breasts. I think that's why I hate that word and panties. So anyway, Cath doesn't have boobs, but her body is just getting more grown up. She's stressed out because she's not fitting into some of her clothes from last year. I told her that's normal and I wish someone had told me it was normal when I was her age. I told her she's not only gaining weight, which she should be, but she's getting taller.

Not too long ago I went through a Victoria's Secret catalog with the girls and showed them how the pictures get edited, how the editors make the models legs look longer and how they cover up the "flaws" like stretch marks. You can also tell that they do stuff to make their stomachs look flatter. And they use the computer to cut off parts of their legs if they look too big. That's not normal. I told them real people do not look like this. It's normal to have a crease in your back, to have some extra on your legs or stretch marks. Somehow I don't mind my numerous stretch marks so much. They were caused by pregnancy and that's probably why.

Hey, I never liked Jamie Lee Curtis. But I do now. In the last people magazine, she had a picture taken of herself in jockey underwear-shorts and a jog bra. An unedited photo. And she wasn't perfect. Her waist had a little extra and her upper thighs did too. She said "this is what 42 looks like" and it was cool. She wasn't wearing make up either. Nothing was edited. She wanted to show women that they were normal, the movie industry is not. Even the woman that plays the mother in Everybody Loves Raymond, (she had a tummy tuck) said it was unfair for TV to portray how women look when they don't really look that way, or they use enhancements to look the way they do.

Anyway, I've probably written about this crap before, but I've always had huge body image problems. I told a friend yesterday that in my early teens I used to wrap an ace bandage around my waist and stomach really tight and sleep like that, hoping that it would miraculously make me smaller over time. That's fucked up. I mean, I somehow knew it wouldn't work, but did it anyway. I always wore my coat. Even in gradeschool. I look back on pictures and aside from my bubble butt, I was a skinny kid. I used to have these overalls....they were popular at the time...Ok, someone knows this...early to mid eighties, the brand had a triangle logo and I think on the triangle it had a picture of ice cream. Anyway, I wouldn't wear the overalls my mom bought me because I thought I looked fat. 6th Grade.

I saw someone, a life guard, walking around and she had a good athletic body, but she wasnt' showing it off. She was just walking around, doing her life guard thing. You know she didn't feel self concious, like a kid wearing a bathing suit. I wonder what that would be like. Because I can't remember a time I was ever comfortable in my own skin.

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Tanya McBee Gunby | Create Your Badge