If you want to clear a chatroom in a hurry, I suggest you go directly in and talk about how gassy you are. And the fact that you will not go near open flame for fear of combusting. Or I suggest you talk about how badly you tore during childbirth.

And how afterwards you had problems controlling your farting due to lack of muscle control in the sphincter region.

Yes, I have no chatroom etiquette. You'd think that if I didn't know anyone, I wouldn't just go barging in and discuss my bodily functions, just as you would a new group of people, but I seem to have that malfunctioning, non-operational shut-off button that says "Hey, don't talk about that stuff with other people."

Chatroom? I belong to an msn group and the group thing has a chat function.

I happened to try it today after never seeing anyone in the group on and low and behold there were two people.

Not for long.

I mean, it was like I really farted in the room.

There was that awkwardness. You know what I'm sayin'.

Those times we fart by accident, as I have done so many times after my rather large headed child. People are shocked and embarrassed. Like the time I was in Yoga and you could hear a pin drop and then suddenly...

"PPPppppffffffftttt!"

Ooops.

See, we were in the lotus that is the prime position if you want to induce farting.

This woman kept staring at me. I mean, c'mon lady. Act like everyone else and pretend you didn't hear it, don't stare at me.

Or the times that farting occurs in which it's silent but by process of elimination, you figure out who it is. I was getting trained at work and pretty soon I was going to answer the phone and opened my mouth and was like

"Is that my breath?"

Then I realized someone had farted and it was the girl that was training me, only she had gotten up to the desk and left the immediate area to do it. But it came back to haunt her.

And me.

Guys don't seem to have this problem. They rip away.

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Tanya McBee Gunby | Create Your Badge